Why I disagree with the popular article "Marriage isn't for you"...

Yesterday I went into Deseret Book and saw this little thing on one of the shelves:

(Source)

I wanted to throw something at it. I get why this idea is so popular, even if I don't like it. Seth Smith (the Author) describes marriage as being for the one you love, being for your future children, etc. It's a good image to paint, a marriage that isn't for you, it reminds you that you are supposed to be selfless and thinking about others happiness above your own. But I have different feelings about it. 

In my awesome, fun, rockin' marriage, Zack and I have an equal amount of selfishness and selflessness. Let me explain.

When we go to a restaurant I usually order salmon (its my favorite) and Zack usually orders Steak. We have different personalities. I like steak but love salmon. Zack hates salmon and loves steak. This is how our marriage works. I realize that without him our partnership wouldn't work, without  him being level headed our marriage would constantly blow up in flames due to my short fuse. Without him things just wouldn't work. Without him I would never get to try those few bites of steak because I always order Salmon. 

Marrying Zack was the best thing I did for me so I think that Marriage is for you and its for the one you love. 

Zack has made me a better person, he has taught me to let go of things in my past, forgive and forget. He's taught me to remember that people aren't always judging me, or gossiping about me, they usually have better things to do. 

Zack has made me feel and be aware of how much God loves me, because Zack loves me no matter what I do. Even if I don't look cute, or I 'm super grumpy in the morning (which always happen). 

Zack was the one there to help me when I had a miscarriage

Zack is the one there to hold me tight when I have nightmares all night. 

Zack is the one working hard all day so I have a comfortable life.
Zack completes me.
I wouldn't have gotten married if I didn't benefit from the situation, and I feel that a lot of agree. I wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't going to be happy. Zack gives that to me, complete happiness. 

Maybe I am just being selfish but I know Zack would write a list just like this for me. 

So you see, my marriage was as much for me as it was for Zack. Together we make it  a selfless relationship.
It's okay if you don't think you are ready for marriage, don't feel guilty about that. Marriage is a huge, life altering decision. My advice in that situation would be to think about what would life be like if your boyfriend or girlfriend wasn't there anymore. Would you be happy? Would you be longing for them to be with you? Other questions to ask: Will this person make me grow? Will this person love me unconditionally? Will I love this person unconditionally? Will this person work through problems or run away? All good things to think about when considering getting married.
 I think that Marriage is a two-way street. Each of you has to give 100% to your marriage. It's not for one person to give 100 and another to give 50 but both of you have to actively participate to make it work.
I probably never would have married if I didn't know that I would be happier in the end, or had some benefits in the future. I have had to put a lot of dreams on hold for the time being because I have a family now (it may just be Zack but it's still a family). So remember, Marriage IS for you and its for the one you love. Don't believe anything different.

XO 

Caitlin

P.S. If you don't agree with me on this that's okay, also if you think I am super selfish that's okay too. Maybe I am :)

What I learned in my first year of marriage that made my second year of marriage rock!

Hey all. I am back! Graduation was a blast and of course I will post more about that later this week. I am in the routine of things so I am starting off Monday with a blog post. I have made a new goal to grow my blog even more, which means I am doing some sponsors over on other blogs for June, I will be posting 5 times a week Monday through Friday, and I am going to use other social media avenues to really grow this blog. I love blogging, for me it has become my journal and it has become a way to document our lives. I am not good at keeping a personal journal, at all. I wish I was but the truth is, ain't nobody got time for that. This blog is now my journal and updating it five times a week will help me to be grow it in the way I want to.

This post has been a long time in the making, two years to be exact. When Zack and I first got married everything was so new. Marriage has been so fun and wonderful and stressful and hard at the same time. I really appreciated this post done over at the life of Bon. She helped me feel like I had a pretty normal marriage. I would always be worried about stuff we argued about. In the end I learned some very important lessons that has made our second and third (although its only been two weeks into our third year) year of marriage much easier.

Lesson 1: You can only change Yourself. 

This is so important! I feel that many young couples who get married think that their spouse will magically change over night, or in a year, or three years and are disappointed when they don't. I even started out thinking I could change my husband. After a few months, I thought "Why would I want to change the man that I fell in love with?" I then started to change my attitude about things and it really helped us grow closer. 

Lesson 2: Everyone needs their down time. 

Also equally as important. I would get so mad at Zack for playing games all night instead of pay attention to me. Then I realized that when he wanted me to pay attention to him, I was doing the same thing except with Netflix and Hulu. I (again I can only change me) then decided to give Zack and myself at least an hour of downtime after work. I didn't bombard him with a million questions, I just kissed him and said welcome home then let him play his games. I am still working on it, but the more flexibility with downtime he has, the more I have. Downtime makes us both happy, everyone needs time to themselves. Newlyweds think that they will spend every second of every day with each other. In reality, you will get burnt out if you do that constantly. I call this "Caitlin Time" and when Zack asks if we want to do something, I just say can I have "Caitlin Time" for a little while. It makes us both happier. 

Lesson 3: Don't forget your old friends. 

This goes along with Lesson 2. Really though, your old single friends still want to hang out with you. Even if you are married. Make some girl time and have fun. Zack and I both have friends we hang out with without each other present, its fun. We also have friends we hang out with as a couple. That is equally as important as old friends, we invite another couple over to dinner sometimes to play games and eat. Its a great way to get to know your spouse even more, as they embrace group settings you aren't always in. 

Lesson 4: Never ever talk bad about your spouse. Never!

I learned this lesson from Zack when we were dating. He never said one bad thing about me, to anybody. Everyone always said Zack spoke highly of me. I wanted to do that for him. I have never said anything bad about him in front of my family, coworkers, friends, church members, etc. Bad rumors and speech will only make matters worse. 

Lesson 5: No Social Media. 

Goes along with Lesson 4. Don't post anything to social media about your husband without asking him about it first. This is huge for bloggers. When I first started getting into blogging (lets face it I still am) I never asked Zack if it was okay that I wrote something about him. I just assumed it was, luckily for us I never posted anything bad (Lesson 4) but its important to make sure your significant other is okay with what you wrote. I have a friend on Facebook who writes, in great detail, about her significant others ailments, etc. I just want to say do you think he wants this posted all over the internet? Probably not. Be careful, and make sure your spouse knows what you are up to. 

Well there you have it, a few thoughts that will help you as you start your next adventure together. Marriage has been wonderful, hard yes but wonderful and I am so glad I married Zack. He is the best! 

This message has been Zack approved. 

XO

Caitlin

Project Photography

I am terrible at taking pictures everyday. I have heard (from many sources) that pictures are the best way to grow your blog. Well this blog of mine hasn't had a lot of pictures because I'm not too good at taking them quite yet. So I have decided to start a project. This project is dedicated to all things photography. I have been thinking about investing in a DSLR camera for the future but before I do I need to show myself that I am committed to growing this blog and taking pictures.

To start it off for the month of April I am going to do an April Photo a Day challenge that I found on Pinterest. There is a bunch of these challenges out there and I just picked the one I thought I would like the best and that would keep me motivated to keep it going.  Here is the challenge I am doing. I think it will be fun to connect and see who else is doing this challenge in the world. 

(VIA)

If you want to join in on the fun that would be great too. I am starting tomorrow with my inspiration, first I have to find it, ;). So stay tuned for photos everyday this month as I try to become a photographer. 

XO

Caitlin

Inventory

Wishing> This semester was over already! Two more weeks
Thinking> I should still be doing homework instead of blogging
Wanting> To go camping. It's been a while.
Hoping> I like my new job, it will be a new experience and I am looking forward to it
Reading> Anthropology books on the brain, they are so hard to understand
Eating> Lots of chicken and rice lately
Watching> Dancing With The Stars Disney Version, my favorite!!
Loving> My husband, more than ever. More on this later
Improving> How I spend my time. I am trying to be more productive
Well that's it for now.
I may get a little deeper with thoughts on the blog for my next post, since I have had some more issues with infertility this month. I think its important to share our experiences of hardships, because life isn't always happy. Although there are always things to be grateful for, its nice to know we aren't alone when hard times happen upon us. Until next time.
XO
Caitlin

My Dating History> Mostly for my own sake

Summer Love, happened so fast...

My first love. I was 16. I was working at a scout camp (story of my life) and met the cutest boy. He had glasses, was kind of a dork but kind of loved me all the same. We would play footsies under the table at meal times. We sat next to each other at every meeting. He was the best. We played in the forest all summer just us and it was so fun. Summer ended, and so did we. It was good while it lasted. 

Freshman movie night... 

My next love. I was 19 and just about to finish my first year up at Utah State University. That year was full of drama, somehow all the girls from my floor/dorm that year and I have managed to be Facebook friends. Even after we were horrible to each other. By March I was pretty sick of that scene and wanted to branch out more. This was in 2007. I went to FHE and met a cute boy. He had brown hair and blue eyes. He was a twin and I couldn't tell him apart from his brother. But eventually I got the hang of it. One night a group was watching Arachnophobia in the dorm room and I joined. He was there. He saved me a seat next to him, I sat down and "pretended to be scared" of the movie. I mean the spiders looked so fake that it wasn't that scary by the end, I just hate pop outs. By the end of the movie he put his arm around me. I was thrilled. Then he IM me over yahoo messenger and asked me out that week. We went out for a month. Then the semester ended, and so did we. Long distance relationships never worked. We went on one date when I got home from my mission, sparks just weren't there for us anymore. 

Summer Love, happened so fast...

Again, I was at scout camp. This time I was 19. My friend from Freshman year convinced me to come work at her Scout Camp. I went, her best guy friend was there too. We started dating (the guy and I) and it was mostly a relationship formed out of convenience. He was my first kiss. He left on a mission and I wrote to him for about 6 months. Then we ended. Now that friend of mine married him, they have a cute baby who I love and another one on the way. We are still really close friends, which makes me happy. 

This one time, at Band Camp...

I was in marching band at Utah State. Here's proof:

Ha Ha Ha. I loved it. 

There was this guy, a trombone player. He hung out with all my friends and I. He kissed one of my friends one night in the spring time, she freaked out sort of. Then he started seeing me. I left on my mission a couple of weeks later. He said he would write to me, that lasted a month. He started dating my best friend at the time. They got engaged three months after that and married three months later. Nobody told me about it. I was on my mission expecting a letter in the mail and never got one. I then checked Facebook one day at the Library (bad idea) and found out they were married. That was fun. 

This picture was taken after I found out they were married. Luckily I was happy. On the mission and having a blast. Love all these Elders. They were great, and so good to me. Even when I started crying randomly for no good reason. 

Spring Time fling...

When I got home from my mission I met a guy at school. We dated for six weeks. He got way to physical way to fast and I just said whoa and backed out of that relationship. Good thing too. 

Do you want to build a snowman....

After I went through a horrible summer, I started work at a call center. Met some awesome people who I am still friends with. One day our boss hired a couple of people. On training day this one guy with glasses (I have a thing for glasses, apparently) sat next to me. My friend said to him, don't trust her (speaking of me) she's crazy... That lasted a week. I instant messaged this guy and we became friends. He was kind of dorky, talking about monsters in alley ways while taking out the garbage and other things I had no idea about. I kind of liked him, a lot. My friend convinced me to ask him out, so I did. That date lasted a long time. We didn't want it to end, so we made sure it never would. I have been dating him ever sense. 

Glad I can still put a smile on that cute face. 

XO 

Caitlin

Why We Work

One of the blogs I regularly follow is doing a link up either tomorrow or Friday titled Why We Work. Explaining why they work as a couple and giving advice for fellow bloggers on their relationships. I decided to post my "Why We Work" page now because Zack and I are headed to St. George Friday for a little vacation getaway. I really need it, so I am looking forward to sun, hiking and some good food.

This photo describes our relationship perfectly! Not even joking. Zack is always doing crazy things and I am just calm and happy and content with it. This makes me laugh. Here's another one:

Again with the faces! He is always making faces, its hilarious. 

Why we work:

1. Communication: This is a big deal! Seriously. When we were first married I was always getting mad at Zack because he never understood exactly what I wanted. It would make me really angry. Finally I learned how to Communicate better. I learned to describe to him, in exact detail what I needed him to do. He would do it following my instructions and there was no more arguments. If I want him to bring home flowers I will tell him, hey you should bring home flowers some day this week. And he does it! Sometimes I don't want to have to tell him every little thing, but when I do, I am happy and he is happy. No guessing games over here at our house, and that has really been a big life saver for us. 

2. Down Time. Just as important as communication every one needs there downtime. That time when you come home from work/school at the end of a long day and all you want to do is watch an episode of the office or read your current Nora Roberts novel. I have come to the realization that both of us need that downtime, so I set aside the time where I don't nag Zack about anything, let him do his thing for an hour and then at dinner time and beyond get the chores done. It has made the biggest difference in the world. 

3. Pray for the other person. I know this probably seems obvious, but I have never been good at saying personal prayers and we aren't good at saying couples prayers. We always say a prayer over dinner and Zack always mentions me in his prayer. Every time I hear him pray for me, out loud, it makes me feel like he truly does care and want the best for me. 

4. Have hobbies together. Its great to do things separately and to have your own hobby that your husband or spouse or partner doesn't do but you also need hobbies together. Zack and I both love Nintendo games so we both have a 3DS and sometimes we will sit and play games together for an hour. Its fun, I will pass him my gaming console when I can't beat a level (happens all the time) and he completes it for me. We also love movies so we are always looking out for new movies to watch and play those together. 

5. Listen. Just like communication, listening is a key part in making our marriage work. I love it when Zack listens to me and shows signs that he is. He loves it when I listen to him and do things for him he needed done. Listening is a big part of a relationship and that phrase that goes "God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason" is very true when it comes to understanding your partner. 

Well there you have it, some of the reasons why Zack and I work together as a couple. I love our marriage and our relationship. He truly is my best friend and he always puts a smile on my face everyday. 

Thanks for reading

XO

Caitlin

All you need is LOVE

The Beatles taught me this lesson when I first started listening to music. When I was younger my sister and I loved the Beatles. We had their top 20 hits album and All You Need Is Love is one of my favorites. Valentine's Day is on Friday and it got me thinking about love, friendship, marriage, family, etc. Basically all the things one associates with when you think about February 14.

This picture is super granulated I know! It was taken on my iPhone and doesn't do well when it gets blown up. Keeping the love going in your marriage can be a hard thing. I did not honestly think it was possible that I could love Zack more than I did the day I married him, and yet somehow I do. Marrying Zack was the best thing I could have ever done for myself, he has been there for me through countless ups and downs. He has helped me with so many hard things in life and has been my constant rock.
When we first were married my mom gave me a book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. At first I would get mad at the book thinking that I should be the center of attention not Zack. Dr. Laura's method states that if you take care of your man he will take care of you without being asked. This is so true. The days I clean the house are the days Zack is more willing to do chores. When I show him love by making his dinner or lunch, he randomly brings me flowers or other gifts. I have learned to be more relaxed about video games, and other things and he gives me more time to do what I love. In the end, when Zack is the center of attention I also become the center of attention. Win Win! I highly recommend that you read her book, it really helped me navigate our first few months of marriage together. I didn't really know what was normal for a marriage but reading her book helped me feel that I was doing alright.
Marriage is a wonderful adventure. And after all these years I am glad that the Beatles can still teach me some life lessons along the way.
XO
Caitlin

Lessons from the Office> Post 2

I know I forgot to post about the office last week, I was going through a bit of a blogging stupor and didn't really have much to say. I have recently started watching the office series all over again, from the very beginning. I started with the Pilot episode in Season 1 and I am in the middle of Season 2. I just finished the Halloween episode, pretty classic. Some of the best things about the office is the relationships. The show has so many great relationships, of all types you can think of. One relationship that I have loved following from beginning to the end is that of Angela and Oscar.
Those two just seem so completely different from each other. Throughout the series you see how they have a different set of values and beliefs (as opposite as you can get), they have different styles, different opposing opinions and are just opposite of each other in every way. In the end, they are great friends and their friendship and weird commonalities (when they are both dating The Senator) develops into a bond that really can't be explained unless you watch the entire series.

You can just see the weird relationship they have from Oscar's facial expression. 

Here is where they are stalking the senator trying to figure out if he is dating another man.  

In the end the thing I love most about Oscar and Angela's quirky relationship is that they don't really give up on each other. Oscar is there for Angela when she needs him, and Angela accepts his help. Angela, although she is hurt after her divorce, trusts Oscar enough to tell him her deepest secret. 

I think that is the beauty the writers of The Office came up with, they have these beautiful relationships that can teach you deep meanings about your own relationships and provide you insights you may not have originally though of. 

If you haven't watched all of the office yet, go check it out. The entire series is on Netflix. 

XO

Caitlin

Twenty Six things I learned by the age of Twenty Six!

Today is my 26th birthday! It feels weird to be this old. When I was younger (about 12-13 which was 14 years ago!) I never imagined my life would have turned out the way it has. I guess that is the beauty of it all, because in the end I am so grateful that my life has ended up this way. Of course I have had my ups and downs, through it all I have learned some valuable life lessons which I am of course going to be sharing with you. I am older and wiser now, which means I can share advice.

1. Love more. You will never regret doing this.

2. Finish your education. It has taken me 10 semesters (that's five years) to finish mine and it is totally worth it. 

3. Live your religion. If you don't have one yet check out mine (click on the button that says I'm a Mormon at the top). Mormon's aren't as weird as you think. But, whatever religion you are don't go only on Christmas and Easter. Truly live your religion. 

4. Smile. People are more likely to want to be your friend. 

5. Date the kind of guy you want to marry. That's how the whole thing works, trust me. 

6. Take care of you body, your body is the thing that gets older quicker. Take care of it now, when you have time. 

7. On marriage: Be fiercely loyal. Probably was the best piece of advice I received.

8. On Marriage: Spend quality time with each other, date nights, cuddle nights, etc. 

9. Live in the moment. (Goes along with 7 & 8). Don't regret something you didn't do. 

10. Not everyone is perfect. The only thing we all have in common is that we are all broken, in some way or another. Be kind. 

11. If you are a spender, learn to save. If you are a saver, learn to spend. (especially if you are a spender and you marry a saver, it helps in the long run).

12. Pray. God is always there to hear us. 

13. Be a friend. Call someone out of the blue, smile in the hallway, help someone on homework or at the grocery store. 

14. Brush your teeth twice a day! (Very important folks)

15. Eat less sugar, it really doesn't fill you up for very long and then you are hungry sooner and you gain weight faster. 

16. Buy the car that makes you happy, even if its an older model. You'll be getting in that car everyday, you might as well be in a car you like. 

17. Donate your money. But be careful to who you donate it to, not all charity funds end up in the right hands (unfortunately)

18. See Wicked at least once in your lifetime. 

19. Marry the man who opens your door for you, no matter where you are going or who you are with.

20. On Marriage: Most likely you will argue, its human nature (refer to number 10). Learn to be the person who says "I'm Sorry", instead of "I'm Right". 

21. When a meal you have planned for and prepped for suddenly turns sour, order pizza. 

22. Be yourself, nothing says you better than you. 

23. Do what you love, and more of it. 

24. Keep your home clean, it usually means you are less stressful.

25. Make your bed every morning, helps with number 24. 

26. Read, broaden your knowledge. Learn something new everyday. 

Well there you have it, I have a lot more ideas I could have written but I didn't want to go overboard. Thanks for reading. Have a great Monday.

XO

Caitlin

Lessons from: The Office

Hi guys!
I am excited about today's blog post. It's a new series I am doing called "Lesson from: The Office". I am actually going to post this series up every Friday. After reading through my list of regular blogs I have found a common theme, almost everyone loves the television series "The Office". I am constantly seeing references, quotes, and other mentions of the T.V. show in all the posts I read. After about a month of reading blogs and discovering this I decided I should dedicate an entire set of posts completely and solely to the show.
In this series I am going to just pick out some quotes and inspirational stories that I learned a lesson from, and share my own personal wisdom with it. Hopefully its a hit.
So without further ado:
Life Lessons from: The Office.

The first one comes from the Finale. I loved the finale. It was so great and the show closed so well. Of course I cried because the office has been such a huge part of my life but I knew it had to end. This quote comes from our friend Andy Bernard:

I love this quote! It's so true. For me it really just said to live in the moment. Following Andy's character throughout the series you find that he is constantly thinking about what is happening next. I used to be like this, (and I kind of still am). I would always say stuff such as "when I am married I will get this accomplished", "when I graduate I am going to be better at this...", "when we have kids we are going to..." etc., you get the point. I didn't do it a lot but I always was concerned with the future. I would put things off and say that I would accomplish it better at another point in time. 

When I finally realized what was happening, I noticed how many good moments I was missing out on because I worried about the future. I never fully enjoyed the here and now. The worrying was getting to me and kept me in a constant state of unhappiness. 

I finally stopped worrying so much about the future and I started focusing on the day at hand. When I did this I started seeing the beauty life has to offer and I realized that I am living in the good old days. 

Lets all take a lesson from Andy and remember to just live life by the moments it presents us with. 

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

A great quote to help us remember this lesson. 

Enjoy your weekend. 

XO

Caitlin