This post has been a long time in the making, two years to be exact. When Zack and I first got married everything was so new. Marriage has been so fun and wonderful and stressful and hard at the same time. I really appreciated this post done over at the life of Bon. She helped me feel like I had a pretty normal marriage. I would always be worried about stuff we argued about. In the end I learned some very important lessons that has made our second and third (although its only been two weeks into our third year) year of marriage much easier.
Lesson 1: You can only change Yourself.
This is so important! I feel that many young couples who get married think that their spouse will magically change over night, or in a year, or three years and are disappointed when they don't. I even started out thinking I could change my husband. After a few months, I thought "Why would I want to change the man that I fell in love with?" I then started to change my attitude about things and it really helped us grow closer.
Lesson 2: Everyone needs their down time.
Also equally as important. I would get so mad at Zack for playing games all night instead of pay attention to me. Then I realized that when he wanted me to pay attention to him, I was doing the same thing except with Netflix and Hulu. I (again I can only change me) then decided to give Zack and myself at least an hour of downtime after work. I didn't bombard him with a million questions, I just kissed him and said welcome home then let him play his games. I am still working on it, but the more flexibility with downtime he has, the more I have. Downtime makes us both happy, everyone needs time to themselves. Newlyweds think that they will spend every second of every day with each other. In reality, you will get burnt out if you do that constantly. I call this "Caitlin Time" and when Zack asks if we want to do something, I just say can I have "Caitlin Time" for a little while. It makes us both happier.
Lesson 3: Don't forget your old friends.
This goes along with Lesson 2. Really though, your old single friends still want to hang out with you. Even if you are married. Make some girl time and have fun. Zack and I both have friends we hang out with without each other present, its fun. We also have friends we hang out with as a couple. That is equally as important as old friends, we invite another couple over to dinner sometimes to play games and eat. Its a great way to get to know your spouse even more, as they embrace group settings you aren't always in.
Lesson 4: Never ever talk bad about your spouse. Never!
I learned this lesson from Zack when we were dating. He never said one bad thing about me, to anybody. Everyone always said Zack spoke highly of me. I wanted to do that for him. I have never said anything bad about him in front of my family, coworkers, friends, church members, etc. Bad rumors and speech will only make matters worse.
Lesson 5: No Social Media.
Goes along with Lesson 4. Don't post anything to social media about your husband without asking him about it first. This is huge for bloggers. When I first started getting into blogging (lets face it I still am) I never asked Zack if it was okay that I wrote something about him. I just assumed it was, luckily for us I never posted anything bad (Lesson 4) but its important to make sure your significant other is okay with what you wrote. I have a friend on Facebook who writes, in great detail, about her significant others ailments, etc. I just want to say do you think he wants this posted all over the internet? Probably not. Be careful, and make sure your spouse knows what you are up to.
Well there you have it, a few thoughts that will help you as you start your next adventure together. Marriage has been wonderful, hard yes but wonderful and I am so glad I married Zack. He is the best!
This message has been Zack approved.
XO
Caitlin
